The Middle Place

As human beings, we are hardwired for novelty. The new is sexy. It’s exciting. It promises endless possibility. Nobody is immune to that first heady rush of a new romance, the thrill of a brilliant new idea that keeps you awake at night, sketching out plans on the back of an envelope. The new gives us vital energy and makes everything feel hopeful and possible again. 

But given enough time, even the shiniest of objects can begin to lose their luster. The dream job that once had us buzzing with possibility slowly turns into a daily grind of emails and tedious Zoom meetings. The great romance that once had sparks flying turns slowly into an ongoing dispute about how to properly load the dishwasher, snoring, and well…morning breath! The buzzy startup company that once felt like a calling now just feels like work. 

Sooner or later, we all arrive at the middle place where the initial wave of euphoria has worn off, and what we are left with are the very real limitations of what (or whom) we have chosen to take on. This awkward middle place is also when we are most likely to second-guess ourselves, flame out or just give up altogether. This is normal. At some point, every meaningful pursuit hits the wall where excitement fades and doubt creeps in. This is the moment where commitment begins. Everything before it is just wishful thinking.

So how do we actually navigate this awkward phase? How do we stay the course when every instinct tells us to bolt for something newer, shinier, easier? Here are three essential practices that can help you push through when the initial spark has faded and the real work of commitment begins.

Reframe Your Expectations

We’ve been sold a bill of goods that if something is “right” for us, then it should feel effortless all the time. That passion should be enough to sustain itself. But it isn’t really, is it? And this kind of thinking can set us up for a lot of disappointment and failed relationships. The truth is that for most of us, doing good work and enjoying good relationships are effortful – they require something of us. But just because something is difficult, it doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice. It probably means you’ve chosen something very important to you. The key word here is chosen. Every career, every relationship will have its different seasons. Sometimes it’s the dead of winter when nothing appears to be happening. But when we commit to what we have already chosen, we trust that by the daily act of building, loving and tending – we will occasionally enjoy fabulous blooms.

Systems Over Motivation

Motivation is a fair-weather friend. It shows up when things are exciting, and then often leaves the moment things become hard. David Goggins, the Navy SEAL turned ultra-endurance athlete, puts it a little more bluntly: “Motivation is crap!” What matters more is discipline: the decision to do what needs to be done, long after the mood has passed. This is where having good systems become our salvation. 

It’s the morning exercise routine, whether you feel like it or not. It’s the weekly writing block, whether or not you feel creative. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, puts it this way: “You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” Goggins lives this idea to the extreme. He doesn’t rely on motivation. He builds his life around doing hard things so that discipline becomes automatic for him. The system becomes the safety net that catches you on the hard days when willpower falters, as it inevitably will.

Know Your Why (And Let It Evolve)

When the grind sets in, it can be helpful to reconnect with your original rationale for doing something – and update if necessary. The why that got you started was probably about excitement, personal ambition or possibility. But what carries you through the middle years may look very different. 

Most of us, if we’re honest, start out with fairly selfish ambitions, chasing shiny baubles like money, status and power. But as we evolve and hopefully mature over time, what matters to us may change. We become more interested in the intrinsic rewards of things like community and contribution; things that will outlive us and don’t always appear on a résumé. But knowing the rationale for why we’re doing something helps us endure the occasional doldrums and frustrations that come our way. Viktor Frankl had it right: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” 

So ask yourself: Why does this thing still matter to me? Can you connect it to your bigger life story? Make it about what you’re building, who you’re becoming, what you hope to leave behind. That’s the why that endures.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Every dream begins with an idea, a spark of inspiration, a rush of blood to the head. And somewhere in the middle, between that spark and achievement, is a long uneventful stretch that can often feel like a grind. Commitment is not glamorous. It’s repetitive, often invisible work. But it’s also the quiet engine behind every remarkable achievement.

If you find yourself stuck in the middle right now, and it feels uncomfortable, maybe this is your moment to double down. Burn all the boats. And keep going, no matter what. 

Photo by Pascal Debrunner