There are certain conversations we all dread: the ones in which we have to deliver bad news, discuss a sensitive or "political" subject, or talk about a project that's gone wrong. Have you ever recognized too late that a client was frustrated because you failed to resolve an issue?  Or perhaps spent time cleaning up in the aftermath of a discussion that didn’t go according to plan? In a polite society, we are generally hardwired to avoid confrontation. Nobody wants to play the bad guy or have a situation blow up in their face. But often the cost of NOT having these conversations can be far costlier than the temporary discomfort you may feel. You want to take charge and talk about it – candidly and effectively. But how??

One of the best business books I've read on this subject is Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott (SS). In this book, she provides the tools we all need to master the art of “difficult” conversations.

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Weather on the Ones, 24-hour cable news, talk radio, youtube, cell phones, the robotic thumbing of Blackberries – all around us is the relentless babble of words. While all this connectivity has certainly increased our output, it has also numbed our senses and shrunken our attention spans. In the process, it has robbed us of something vital. Sure, we may be communicating more than ever before – but is anybody really listening?

My experience as an executive recruiter tells me that one of the most basic skills essential for success in the workplace is effective listening. Sadly, it’s also one of the least practiced. Nothing hurts more than the feeling of “not being heard.” This is why sustained, sympathetic and fully-engaged listening can be such a powerful transformational tool in business – and why the lack of it hurts us immeasurably.

Ideally, communication with our clients should be a two-way street. Jumping in before we’ve even had a chance to hear what the other has said is like hanging up the phone before speaking. It’s a one-way conversation. In order to be a good listener, we must first obviate the more pressing need to always speak. In this way, we can often stimulate a more meaningful dialogue and generate better ideas. With a little practice, awareness, and some applied listening, we can all learn to communicate more effectively. But the ways in which we don’t listen are as many as the distractions that surround us. Here’s a look at some of the more common offenders.

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Along with a packed house, I recently had the privilege of hearing Peter Thum speak at Interesting Café, Clickable's monthly culture night. His work is a call to social activism - the idea that good business and good deeds need not be mutually exclusive. As the founder of Ethos Water, Peter Thum has generated over six million dollars to help a half-million people around the world get clean water, as well as hygiene and sanitation education. He first had the idea for Ethos in 2001 after working in South Africa, where he saw water issues firsthand. He saw hundreds of people who didn't have access to safe drinking water or sanitation services. In 2002, Peter decided to leave his comfort zone, then a strategy consulting job, to pursue his vision to address the world water crisis and help children get clean water.  Peter Thum (PT), led Ethos as its President from idea through to its acquisition by Starbucks in 2005.

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At some point, we all become stuck. Maybe it’s a job that is comfortable, but no longer challenging. Maybe you’re in a relationship that is going nowhere. Or maybe you’ve been out of the workforce so long, your confidence is at an all-time low and you fear further rejection could derail you completely. Stuck happens. 

It’s been noted that people who generally stay “unstuck” share certain characteristics. They tend to have a positive outlook on life, a way of reacting to setbacks that helps them regroup and keep going no matter what. It doesn't mean that they never stumble momentarily or face hardships or disappointment. Rather, it's that they have discovered ways to pick themselves up and tread on regardless.  

Neither are they afraid of making mistakes. If one approach doesn't work, they simply try another. As Winston Churchill famously noted: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” Libby Gill (LG), author of “You Unstuck,” understands this precept well. In her delightful book, she outlines some of the traps we all fall prey to, and offers strategies for staying out of the woods. 

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When my clients are at a crossroads with a decision that they need to make, I often walk through an exercise with them I call the “Virtual Board.” I do this by asking, “If you could hand select a personal board of directors, who would be on it?”

The goal of the imaginary board of directors is to provide new perspectives to aid in problem solving. In his book, Thinkertoys, Michael Michalko describes a fantasy board as “a list of powerhouse business leaders and innovators who will assist you in overcoming your challenges.” Imagine having at your disposal the experience, wisdom, and know-how of whomever you admire most, living or dead. These “board members” can spur you into action in some aspect of your life where you‘ve been feeling stuck.  

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