Maybe there was a time when the boundaries between work and home life were clear, but I don’t think anyone can remember when it was. Now, with portable technology keeping us permanently tethered to the workplace, those lines are becoming increasingly blurred. And the cost to our mental and physical health can be enormous. (As highlighted in my April newsletter). At least once a week I will hear some version of the following statement: “My work situation is untenable. I just can’t go on like this.”

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Last Friday after turning on my Mac, I found over 175 e-mail messages waiting for me. Over time, I have developed my own system of dealing with the messages so that I don’t feel overwhelmed. But it takes constant work and vigilance to stay on top of the mail deluge. In 1999, Harvard Management ran an article setting forth “The Ten Commandments of E-MAIL.”

Below, I’ve summarized and/or updated some of these commandments which I believe still make sense to help control clutter and make e-mail work for us, vs. against us.

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As a career and life and career coach, people will come to see me for all kinds of reasons.  It is a privileged position to be in. They share their personal hopes and dreams, their business goals and aspirations.  Sometimes people just need an ear to listen, or to feel they are not alone in what they are going through. One of the reasons I enjoy this work is that the stories are as diverse as the people themselves.

But if there was one common theme that I see in a lot of these stories – it is the struggle that many of us have for self- acceptance. Self esteem. Why do so many of us think a lot less of ourselves than others do?
As I pondered this question, I reflected back on some answers that my former local parish priest, Fr. Frank McNulty, once gave in a homily. He message bears repeating:

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Last month I delivered a presentation at Morgan Stanley on the subject of “recharging your batteries.” In preparation for the topic, I reviewed The Power Of Full Engagement by Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr. This book speaks to the idea of properly managing your energy – not your time – as the key to personal renewal and great performance.

“Full engagement,” as defined by Schwartz, is to be physically energized, emotionally connected, mentally focused and spiritually aligned with a purpose beyond our immediate self-interest. But according to a 2001 Gallup study, less than 30% of Americans feel they are fully engaged at work. Some 55% are “not engaged” at all. Another 19% are “actively disengaged,” meaning that they regularly share those negative feelings with colleagues. Worse yet, the longer employees stay with organizations, the less engaged they become.

The costs of a disengaged workforce run into the trillions of dollars, not to mention the personal cost in terms of loss of energy and lack of joy. Think about your own life for a minute. Have you ever been involved with a project (personal or professional) in which you were fully engaged? How did you feel? You probably had boundless energy, right? That’s the power of full engagement, and that’s the sweet spot that you want to hit more often in your work, your life, your relationships. To learn more, I recently connected with Tony Schwartz (TS) on this topic. Tony is the founder and CEO of the The Energy Project.

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Weather on the Ones, 24-hour cable news, talk radio, youtube, cell phones, the robotic thumbing of Blackberries – all around us is the relentless babble of words. While all this connectivity has certainly increased our output, it has also numbed our senses and shrunken our attention spans. In the process, it has robbed us of something vital. Sure, we may be communicating more than ever before – but is anybody really listening?

My experience as an executive recruiter tells me that one of the most basic skills essential for success in the workplace is effective listening. Sadly, it’s also one of the least practiced. Nothing hurts more than the feeling of “not being heard.” This is why sustained, sympathetic and fully-engaged listening can be such a powerful transformational tool in business – and why the lack of it hurts us immeasurably.

Ideally, communication with our clients should be a two-way street. Jumping in before we’ve even had a chance to hear what the other has said is like hanging up the phone before speaking. It’s a one-way conversation. In order to be a good listener, we must first obviate the more pressing need to always speak. In this way, we can often stimulate a more meaningful dialogue and generate better ideas. With a little practice, awareness, and some applied listening, we can all learn to communicate more effectively. But the ways in which we don’t listen are as many as the distractions that surround us. Here’s a look at some of the more common offenders.

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