Have you ever had one of those mornings where nothing seems to go your way? You miss the train because some knucklehead has jammed the ticket machine with bubblegum. Someone cuts you off in traffic, causing you to miss your exit. The bus pulls away just as you reach the stop, the rear wheels splashing your brand new suit with a lovely stripe of dirty slush. I’ve personally been in all three circumstances, and in the moment, it’s hard not to feel angry.

Then the blame game begins: “If it weren’t for that tourist fumbling at the token booth, I could have caught the subway on time.” “Reckless drivers should be banned from the road. They ruin it for everyone!” You imagine giving that bus driver a piece of your mind, should you ever see him again. “I know he saw me,” you tell yourself.  “And still he closed the door in my face. What a jerk!”

You haven’t even reached work yet, and already you’re exhausted. Emotional responses like these can become habitual – if we’re not careful. But here’s the thing: you cannot control the ticket vending machine, traffic, or who drives the bus – but you ARE in command of your emotional response to these situations as they arise. Do not give away your power to people or situations over which you have no control. Be an actor, not a reactor.

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One of my clients, (we’ll call him “Tony”), recently shared frustrations about his work situation. He was demoralized in the wake of a presentation that his boss felt was below par. Tony felt he had put a lot of work into preparing for this event, and the result of all this effort resulted in a lowly “C” grade from his manager, when he expected an “A.” Naturally, Tony felt discredited and disheartened. After a painful post-mortem with his boss, he went immediately online to search for another opportunity. With his ego bruised and his confidence shot, a new job seemed like the only sensible solution. Sound familiar?

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There are certain conversations we all dread: the ones in which we have to deliver bad news, discuss a sensitive or "political" subject, or talk about a project that's gone wrong. Have you ever recognized too late that a client was frustrated because you failed to resolve an issue?  Or perhaps spent time cleaning up in the aftermath of a discussion that didn’t go according to plan? In a polite society, we are generally hardwired to avoid confrontation. Nobody wants to play the bad guy or have a situation blow up in their face. But often the cost of NOT having these conversations can be far costlier than the temporary discomfort you may feel. You want to take charge and talk about it – candidly and effectively. But how??

One of the best business books I've read on this subject is Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott (SS). In this book, she provides the tools we all need to master the art of “difficult” conversations.

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When my clients are at a crossroads with a decision that they need to make, I often walk through an exercise with them I call the “Virtual Board.” I do this by asking, “If you could hand select a personal board of directors, who would be on it?”

The goal of the imaginary board of directors is to provide new perspectives to aid in problem solving. In his book, Thinkertoys, Michael Michalko describes a fantasy board as “a list of powerhouse business leaders and innovators who will assist you in overcoming your challenges.” Imagine having at your disposal the experience, wisdom, and know-how of whomever you admire most, living or dead. These “board members” can spur you into action in some aspect of your life where you‘ve been feeling stuck.  

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I recently took a bag full of clothes and accessories to http://www.bottomlessclosetnyc.org/ and I was surprised at how liberating the simple exercise was. Especially when times are tough, I think that we hold onto our “stuff” because it makes us feel a bit more secure. Closets full of “stuff” and a garage full of “stuff” can create the illusion that we have value.

Shedding even a handful of possessions creates so much space for other things. If you are having trouble letting go of that too-tight belt or too-small view of yourself, you may be hanging onto things that keep you too mired in the past.

My friend and fellow life coach, Gail Blanke, has written a new book http://www.throwoutfiftythings.com Through poignant and humorous stories, she inspires us to get rid of the "life plaque" we've allowed to accumulate. Her motto: "If you wanna grow, you gotta let go." That means eliminating all the clutter – physical and emotional – that holds you back, weighs you down, or just makes you feel bad about yourself. I asked Gail (GB), to share more thoughts on how she personally gains clarity and “pays attention to her inner voice”:

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