I have a client who recently stepped back into the dating pool after enduring a painful 
breakup. She’s smart, witty and attractive – a real “catch” by anyone’s standards. She tried online dating for a while with less than stellar results. She confessed that she found the first few dates awkward and stressful, probably because she attached a lot of weight to their successful outcome. “It’s exhausting,” she said. “It just feels like I’m on a really hard job interview, trying not to step on any landmines.” When we met again before the holidays, I asked how things were going and she seemed more optimistic. “I’m letting go of all my expectations,” she said. “I’ve decided I don’t want to carry all my old worries forward. From now on, I just want to have fun.”
Entries Tagged as 'Pay Attention To the Inner Voice'
Gina slumped into the chair in my office and unloaded all the things
that were bothering her – things she wanted us to work on. It was not a
short list either. Her boss had overlooked her for promotion several
times. At 45, she felt there was an age bias toward younger employees in
the company that she that been with for 15 years. She was, she told me,
“too old” to go back for an MBA. New neighbors had recently moved into
the apartment above hers and every night sounded like they were
rehearsing for Riverdance. On top of all this, the dating pool for a
single over 40 year-old woman in Manhattan was slim. All the good men
were either married, gay, or only interested in 20 year-old hotties.
One of my clients, Ed, a sales manager, came to see me in a state of barely-controlled panic. A recent 
round of layoffs at his company had left him with fewer sales agents and even greater demands for bottom-line results, for which he felt personally responsible. “I know there’s pressure in every job,” he said. “But I’ve never felt like this before. This feels like I’m literally drowning.” As we got into the session, he confessed that he had been experiencing panic attacks at home, when he was supposed to be away from work and relaxing. As he explained it: “I’m just tired of being scared all the time. I am tired of being afraid.”
We make dozens of choices every day of our lives, but a large percentage of those choices are invisible to us. We often think that we have no choices, that we are victims of circumstance. This is the single biggest impediment to personal growth, and I don’t give my clients the luxury of using it. 
Helping my clients see the difference between “I choose to” and “I have to” allows them to see that they have far more power to shape their lives than they may have thought.
As a coach for Girls on the Run, one of the lessons I try to instill in
the girls who participate in the program is the importance of positive
self-image. For girls at this formative age (8-14), it’s absolutely
critical that their 
inner dialogue be constructive. As a very wise woman
said to me once in a yoga class: “You only get one body in this
lifetime and it’s a good idea to make friends with it, or you’re in for a
very rough ride.”
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